In the morning I will be returning to Santa Barbara. I’m bittersweet. I really do love living down there and love living with my best friend, love my school, and love how there are so many things to do in SB. BUT…I miss Sonoma, and my work, and my friends here, and my family. I miss Sonoma weather and how I’m comfortable here. It has now been three years since I graduated high school and I thought Santa Barbara would finally be the new place I could call home, but it’s turning out a lot differently than expected. I think I just need to realized that I am a homebody and that I like being close to my family. I like hanging out with old friends and I like the job that I have had since my sophomore year of high school. I wish I had realized this sooner and that I was smart enough to think things through a bit more before picking up and moving all the way to Santa Barbara, but I try to take everything as an experience. I try to live in the now and if moving to SB was what I thought to be a good idea at the time then I dont want to regret moving. And I don’t was to feel like it’s wrong to feel like moving again my be whats best for me now. I think this semester is going to be spent finding a job, focusing on school, and thinking long and hard about my future. I’ll be 21 in July and I should have this figured out by now. I should be almost finished with college, yet I still have 2 maybe 3 more years. I don’t want my parents to have to pay for 3 more years. I need to start saving, I need to become more independent and stop calling my parents every time something is wrong, or if my bank account is too low. If I want to travel in the near future I need to make that happen. I need to stop waiting around for whats next to come.
I am going to sleep on all of this and think a lot on my long 6hr drive back to SB. Bittersweet. Confused. Tired.